first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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