he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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