so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
