i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Randomize
