those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
