Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
