I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
