So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
