So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
