There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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