doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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