i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
