no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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