....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
