I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
