I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
