from now on my penis is your penis
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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