True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My life is pants optional.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I see more hoeing in ur future
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