Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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