last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
