you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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