Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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