My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
too bad you live with your parents still
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
