My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Nobody cheats on THIS.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
