I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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