I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
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