you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
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