my mouth tastes like poor choices
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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