Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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