I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
