Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
