She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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