so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
