Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
