i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
