porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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