She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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