Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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