Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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