btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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