does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
