you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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