You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
