Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
