was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
