and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
