No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
