True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
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