There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
