Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
My pussy is not your playground.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
