Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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