They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
