i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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