Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Randomize
