she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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