do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
