party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
