I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
