You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
