Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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