you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
