It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
