at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
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He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
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I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
and you fell through a lawn chair
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Two words: nipple clamps
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