im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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