i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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