I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize