I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
