it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
