im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
