PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
it's like iHOP with fire
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
