Banned from zoo.
Again?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
