You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
