You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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