Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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