"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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