She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
