I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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