Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
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I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
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I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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