my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
