Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Enjoy the penises
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
