Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
