I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
