i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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