hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
