Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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