Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Farmville is her only friend.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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